The ability to co-parent is an extremely important concept to follow when couples with children separate or divorce. A working definition I will use for co-parenting is the ability of both parents to work together to focus on the needs of their child. This seems like a simple concept to understand and master yet a high number of couples are unable to co-parent.
As I tell my clients in San Diego, when parents do not communicate well with each other, it makes it difficult for them to make decisions that are in their child’s best interests. When parents cannot make decisions in the best interests of their children it could cause emotional and behavioral problems for these children. One reason for this is when children view their parents as unable to work together they tend to try and play one parent against the other. All too often in my family law divorce practice, I have clients tell me that their children are out of control and are having problems in school.
The inability to co-parent too often leads to one parent being the disciplinarian while the other parent takes on the role of the “good guy” making it so that the children follow different rules in each parent’s home. Due to the general nature of children, they tend to react better to the parent who gives them what they want rather than make them follow strict rules. In many of these cases, the children act out in school causing both behavioral interference and lower grades. Drug and alcohol use can result from this situation as well.
While I have painted a bleak picture, there are ways around these problems and ways to resolve these problems should they occur. An easy solution is for the parents to understand the importance of co-parenting and how it is best for their children and work together in developing rules and making decisions. Should this not be a decision the parents make initially, they can learn how to do this by attending a co-parenting class. They may do this of their own free will or by court order. There are many co-parenting classes in San Diego where I practice and you can search for one in your area online.
Should a child exhibit any behavioral or emotional issues, their parents should explore the idea of obtaining counseling for them. It is important to focus on the issues before they get out of hand and cause problems for your child. Although co-parenting may not always be easy, it is important to try to do this so your child can learn this important skill.
