WHAT IS LEGAL CUSTODY? JOINT LEGAL CUSTODY PART 2
WHAT IS LEGAL CUSTODY? JOINT LEGAL CUSTODY PART 1
In a previous blog I discussed the concept of Sole Legal Custody. In this blog I will now discuss the concept of Joint Legal Custody.
I am a divorce lawyer in San Diego, and more times than not, clients do not understand what is meant when the court uses the term Joint Legal Custody. Many clients at my San Diego family law practice do not realize the amount of information that Legal Custody covers.
As previously stated, In San Diego County, Legal Custody is the ability to make decisions about the health, education, and welfare of one’s child. Legal Custody contains the rights to determine where your child goes to school, which school professionals, therapists, and others working with your child.
Now, I will discuss with you what I discuss with my clients about Joint Legal Custody. Joint Legal Custody allows both parents to pay a prominent role in your child’s life. Both parents can be part of the decision making process as it relates to not just educational and medical needs of the child, but also in regards to the extra-curricular activities your child engages in. Joint Legal Custody is not necessarily a right as a parent and it can be taken away by the court.
This brings me to my next point of discussion as it relates to Joint Legal Custody. This is the topic of co-parenting. A detailed discussion of this term will have to wait for a future blog, but a brief discussion of how co-parenting relates to Joint Legal Custody is warranted here. Co-parenting is the ability of both parents to work together to focus on the needs of their child. As I tell my clients in San Diego, when parents do not communicate well with each other, it makes it difficult for them to make decisions that are in their child’s best interests.
I will focus on problems associated with Joint Legal Custody in my next blog.
WHAT IS LEGAL CUSTODY? SOLE LEGAL CUSTODY
As a divorce lawyer in San Diego, I often am asked what does the court mean by the title “Legal Custody?” This is a question I was responsible for answering when I worked at Family Court Services and it is a topic I have explained a multitude of times as a family law attorney.
In San Diego, Legal Custody is the ability to make decisions about the health, education, and welfare of your children. That’s some great legalese for saying that if you have legal custody you can decide where your child goes to school, decide which doctor your child sees, discuss concerns about your child with the doctor and teachers, therapists, and other professionals working with them.
Now that that has been explained, this blog could end right there. However, there are various other aspects of legal custody that should be further discussed. The reality of legal custody is not as easy as the above explanation sounds. There are two types of legal custody. 1. Sole 2. Joint.
First let’s discuss what is meant by the term Sole Legal Custody. This basically means that one parent of the child has the ability to make the decisions that were discussed above without the other parent’s permission. The misconception sometimes is that when a parent has sole legal custody, they think they do not have to inform the other parent of the decisions they make. Unless the court order specifically states that fact, the parent with sole legal custody is still usually responsible for informing the other parent of the decisions they make regarding their children.
Generally, with sole legal custody, the parent without legal custody does not have the ability to make decisions, but they still may be allowed to consult with professionals working with their children. This is dependent upon the wording of the court order. This can be a situation where one parent has not seen their child for a while or has not been involved in any decision making for that child. In some of these situations, the court may allow the custodial parent (the parent with whom the child resides) to make decisions for the child, but still allows the other parent to talk to their teachers, doctors, or other professionals in order to introduce that parent into the child’s life. Possibly in time, if that parent has ongoing contact with their child and their child’s teachers, doctors, etc., then there exists the chance they can be granted joint legal custody in the future.
The concept of Joint Legal Custody will be discussed in a future blog.
Should I Get Divorced? Children Concerns
Another aspect to think about when getting divorced is what is best for your children. If you have children it is important to consider their ages and the impact divorce can have on them. In situations of domestic violence, the children’s safety should to be considered and made a priority.
Children react to changes in their lives in various ways and divorce is a big change not only for you, but for your children as well. Everyone reacts differently to the same situation and children are certainly no exception. This is a big reason the decision to divorce should not be made arbitrarily. However, once time has been spent to think about it and the decision to divorce has been made, then you need to consider the best way to tell your children and how to be ready for their reaction.
You may find that your child has been preparing for divorce and has been waiting for you to make the final decision to file. Children are observant. They know when there has been fighting between their parents and when it has gone on for a long time, they may be anticipating the final decision. In this case, when they are told, they may be relieved thinking that the fighting will stop, but they may not fully comprehend the seriousness of this decision as it will bring about many changes in their lives and they will need to adjust to these changes.
Other times, hearing the words, that your parents are divorcing may come as a huge shock to your children, especially depending on their ages. They may have a multitude of questions for you and your spouse and it is important to take the time and listen to your children and try to answer their questions if you can.
If you are too emotional to answer your children’s questions or do not know the best way to answer them, you should consider taking the children to a therapist who specializes in divorce or at least has experience with the topic as it relates to children. You should ask family and friends or someone you trust for names of therapists they know as a start for finding a therapist for your children. Regardless of where you find the therapist, it is important that your children talk to someone to help them through what can be a difficult and confusing time in their lives.
This is a topic that is very important, but would take several blogs or a novel to fully discuss. Be sure to talk to your attorney about suggestions they have and remember to focus on the needs of your children as well as your own.
Should I Get Divorced? Emotional Concerns
Among the aspects to think about when thinking about divorce are the emotional considerations. You may ask yourself on a regular basis, Am I emotionally strong enough to get divorced? What will it take for me to become emotionally ready to make the difficult choice to get divorced? Are there resources available to help me to become stronger?
This is a topic that could take an entire book to completely discuss so this blog will only touch on a few of the concerns and options available regarding emotional aspects of divorce.
Emotional support from friends and family is very important when going through a divorce. Some people do not feel comfortable sharing their personal situation with their friends and family while others share so much it can become almost a burden for family and friends to continue to listen. It is important to find a happy medium because going through divorce is difficult and support is helpful. Try not to alienate your friends and family because you will need their guidance when going through the various stages of the divorce process.
It is important when thinking about divorce to talk to a professional counselor or therapist because there are many emotions that occur both when thinking about divorce and then going through the process. You can find a good therapist through referrals from friends, family, or coworkers. Additionally, you can check with your insurance company to get a referral. I discuss the importance of counseling with my clients and am able to refer them to several therapists for them to make a decision about which one they are interested in using to help them with their changing emotions during the divorce process.
Finally, you should hire a good attorney who not only knows the divorce process, but is also compassionate enough to deal with the emotions that accompany this process.
Understanding your emotional needs can help you with your decision of whether divorce is right for you.
Good luck!
Financial Impact of Divorce
Divorce is not a decision that should be taken lightly. Much thought should be taken before making the decision to divorce. For some this is a process that takes years to complete. Some couples separate once or many times before making the ultimate decision to divorce while others just wait it out waiting for the right time to divorce.
The questions remain, when is the right time to divorce? What is the financial impact of divorce? There is no simple answer and in fact, the answer will be different for every person who contemplates this difficult decision. I can tell you that understanding finances is an important thing to think about when deciding whether divorce is the right option.
As a San Diego child custody attorney, I can share with you whether you work and can ensure enough savings to take care of yourself and children while involved in the divorce process and afterwards is extremely important. Setting aside enough money to afford an attorney and also set up a residence is important to plan for.
As a family law attorney in San Diego, I can tell you once you get divorced in California, income that was earned during the marriage and bank accounts that were used for this income, become community property. This means that the money you may have had during marriage is not all yours and most likely will be split with your spouse. Discussion of community property versus separate property is a conversation too large to discuss in this blog, but it is something to consider especially if you had the misconception that all money you earned during marriage would be your own to use.
Once you have separated you will need to set up your own bank account in order to save your money for cover your expenses. You may wish to find a financial advisor to discuss with them the implications involved with a divorce.
Finally, you should hire a good family law divorce attorney who not only knows the divorce process, but is also compassionate enough to deal with the emotions that accompany this process.
Knowing these few issues discussed above can help you with your decision whether divorce is right for you.
Good luck!
How Much Does It Cost to get Divorced?
As a family law attorney who practices in San Diego where it is fairly expensive to live, one of the first questions a perspective client asks me is, “how much does it cost to get divorced?” The question is legitimate because unless you have gotten divorced or are a family law attorney, you probably do not know what is involved in the divorce process or how much it could cost. When I hear this question, I don’t think that the perspective client wants the cheapest attorney in the city to help them with their matter, because you usually get what you pay for. I think this is more of an educational question both for me and the person asking it. I usually ask the perspective client to tell me about their situation including whether they have children, property, bank accounts, stocks and mutual funds, etc. I then in return educate the person asking me the question, by informing them that unless there are agreements, the court will need to make orders regarding all of the above-mentioned issues. To be completely honest, there is no exact total to tell a client as to how much it will cost to get divorced. Each matter is different and the final cost also depends upon the cooperation of the other party, which is usually difficult to gauge at the onset of a matter. Should it become more complicated as the matter goes on then the costs will increase. Court continuances, hiring specific experts, and a trial, including preparation for the trial will all increase costs. Also, it is extremely important to complete the required documents in a timely manner, which avoids having your attorney continue to contact you about them, which will help cut costs. I am upfront with my clients about the difficulty in assessing the final costs of divorce and explain to them the best ways they can help lower the costs. Remember, the more you cooperate with your attorney, the better the chance it will keep costs down.